When Thanksgiving Feels Heavy: Making Space for Grief During the Holidays
Thanksgiving is often pictured as a time of togetherness.
Family and friends gather around the table, favourite foods are shared, traditions are revisited, and there is an invitation to pause and appreciate what we have.
For many people, it can be a warm and meaningful time of connection.
But holidays can also make us more aware of what and who is missing.
For some, Thanksgiving may bring up grief, loneliness, complicated family relationships, or memories of a different time in life. While there may be pressure to feel happy and grateful, your experience of the holiday may be much more complicated.
And that's okay!
When the holidays bring grief to the surface
Grief doesn't always follow a predictable timeline. You may feel okay for weeks or months and then find yourself unexpectedly emotional when Thanksgiving arrives.
Certain things can act as reminders: a familiar recipe, a family gathering, a song, a photograph, or simply being surrounded by people when someone important is missing.
You may also be grieving something other than a death. Holidays can bring up the loss of a relationship, changes in family dynamics, moving away from home, or the life you thought you would have.
This can include disenfranchised grief: grief that may not always be openly recognized or understood by others (Cesur-Soysal & Arı, 2022).
Perhaps someone you love is incarcerated. Maybe addiction has changed your relationship with someone you care about. You may be estranged from a family member, or you have chosen to create distance because the relationship was hurting you.
Sometimes, you can know that a boundary was necessary and still miss the person. You can know that a relationship wasn't healthy and still grieve what you wished it could have been. You can be the person who made the decision to step away and still feel sadness when a holiday reminds you of what is missing.
These experiences are still forms of loss, even when there isn't a funeral or a clear ending.
When gratitude feels heavy
Thanksgiving can come with an unspoken expectation to be grateful. But what happens when you're hurting?
You can appreciate the people and things in your life while still wishing someone were there. You can be thankful for your family and still feel lonely. You can enjoy dinner and still have moments when you need to step away and cry.
Gratitude doesn't have to cancel out grief.
Instead of forcing yourself to feel grateful, consider asking: What feels meaningful to me right now?
Maybe it's having dinner with someone you love. Maybe it's remembering someone who is no longer here. Maybe it's recognizing how far you've come. Maybe it's simply getting through a difficult day.
There is room for all of it. Give yourself permission to do the holiday differently. There is no requirement to celebrate Thanksgiving exactly the way you always have. If certain traditions feel comforting, keep them. If they feel painful, you can change them.
You might:
Make a meal that reminds you of someone you miss.
Light a candle or share a favourite memory in their honour.
Spend Thanksgiving somewhere different this year.
Start a new tradition with the people in your life.
Keep the gathering smaller or shorter.
Take time for yourself before or after the celebration.
Creating a new tradition doesn't mean you're leaving the past behind. Sometimes, it's a way of carrying what mattered into a new chapter.
Boundaries can be part of self-care
Family gatherings can also bring difficult questions, expectations, or conversations. You don't have to explain your relationship with someone to everyone. You don't have to attend every event. And you don't have to stay in a conversation that feels overwhelming.
It can be especially complicated when you've created a boundary with someone you still love or miss. Protecting yourself doesn't mean you stop caring about that person. Both things can be true.
It can be helpful to decide ahead of time what you have the capacity for.
You might tell someone, "I'm not really ready to talk about that today," or "I'm going to head home a little earlier this year."
Boundaries aren't about pushing people away. They can be a way of giving yourself the space you need (Byron, 2026).
Take care of yourself, too
When emotions are running high, basic care can become easy to overlook. Try to give yourself permission to slow down. Get enough rest, eat regularly, step outside, spend time with someone you trust, or take a few quiet moments alone.
And if you become emotional, you don't have to immediately make the feeling go away. Sometimes self-care simply means saying to yourself, "This is a hard day, and I can be gentle with myself through it."
Thanksgiving doesn't have to be a perfect day filled with constant happiness and gratitude.
So if you're grieving this Thanksgiving, you are allowed to miss someone. You're allowed to laugh, cry, feel grateful, feel angry, or feel nothing at all.
You don't have to choose between remembering what you've lost and appreciating what you still have.
There can be room for both.
Looking for extra support?
Healing can mean learning to hold both loss and love in the room.
At Cup of Tea Psychotherapy, we offer space to explore your experiences and difficult emotions, and to develop compassionate ways of navigating grief, relationships, or life changes.
If the holidays are bringing up feelings that feel difficult to navigate on your own, we invite you to reach out.
—Blog post written by Yocabed Semere, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at Cup of Tea Psychotherapy
About Yocabed
Yocabed Semere is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at Cup of Tea Psychotherapy. She works with young adults and adults who may appear to have it all together while privately navigating anxiety, overwhelm, self-doubt, or the pressure to meet expectations. Through a warm, collaborative, and culturally responsive approach, Yocabed supports clients in navigating life transitions, identity, and personal growth while developing greater clarity, self-trust, confidence, and emotional well-being.
References
Byron. (2026, January 5). Nurturing your well-being: The power of self-care and boundaries during the holidays. Notre Dame of Maryland University.https://ndm.edu/nurturing-your-well-being-power-self-care-and-boundaries-during-holidays/
Cesur-Soysal, G., & Arı, E. (2022). How we disenfranchise grief for self and other: An empirical study. OMEGA - Journal of Death and Dying, 0(0), 003022282210752. https://doi.org/10.1177/00302228221075203